Slow Down * Enjoy Life Rotating Header Image

July, 2009:

Just one more call

She called all the time during the day when she wasn’t working.  I was never a big phone talker and I would often keep the call short so I could get back to my oh-so-busy-day.

All I want right now is to be able to call her.  Just to be able to pick up the phone and say hi lover whatcha doing.

It still doesn’t feel real

It still doesn’t feel real.  Will it ever?

I went to pick up some birthday presents at Target; by myself with little guy.  Shopping with one isn’t too bad.  He’s pretty manageable by himself.  He normally just stares at me and smiles.  But it was just me and him.  Then I really had a tasting for something sweet and had been thinking oberweis for a while … it’s so good … but it was just me and lil dude again.  🙂  It was def close to the top of our favorite ice cream places.  She always did the hot fudge brownie sundae (she was addicted to these things) and would give me the cherry.  I switched between the vanilla shake and cookies and cream ice cream.  None of it was good for our diet but it just tasted so good!

Too bad I can’t just wake up from this dream nightmare. 🙁

Great weather and a busy weekend

Lil kickers, two 1st birthday parties, and a bbq with friends filled our saturday.  Sunday started off with golf and had the potential for the Gary air and water show and Rock Around the Block but I decided to opt out of the latter two.  That, however, doesn’t mean I wasn’t busy as usual.

I knew Saturday was going to be a long day and that certainly wasn’t an understatement.  I think we put 300 miles on the Pathfinder.  First Lil Kickers followed by our first b-day party at Loyola Beach…a great park and beach combo that we might have to visit again.  It wasn’t packed, parking sucked, but you had the option of hanging at the beach or playing at the park.  We wrapped up by eating some cake and headed for Villa Park (are we still in IL?) … only an hour+ away with construction the entire trip.  When are they going to be finished with all this construction ??? just in time to start up another construction project I’m sure.  It was great to see those guys.  It’s a shame we all live so far away.  It would be fantastic if we lived on the same block.  We had some more cake here and then after giving Gary some grief about a few seemingly innocent comments, we headed for Aurora to hang with some more friends and a few lil ones.  One thing for sure is that we made our rounds and saw plenty of people so next time it’s their job to come see us.

My first three holes of golf today were PATHETIC!  I was playing safe, at least I thought so, leaving my woods in the bag and swinging my usually reliable irons.  For some reason I was pulling my shots.  I think I was just wasn’t hitting through the ball.  For only my 3rd time out, I shouldn’t be too upset.  My first shot off the tee went about 200+ but trailed out of bounds.  On the 2nd hole my first shot bumped up against a tree and my chip into the fairway went straight through the fairway into the water.  On the 3rd I landed twice behind a tree and then went into the sand.  Fortunately I turned the game around after that but those first three holes destroyed my round.

Instead of going to the lake I attempted to clean the pathfinder…Cari’s car.  She only had a few personal things in there but it was still very hard to do.  A book she was reading, misc from Gibbons, things she bought for the kids, some picture frames and a skirt she bought, her headphones, ear rings, and all sorts of other little items.  That book she was reading, a romance novel for sure, was about loving the one you are with … I’ll have to pick it up and read it eventually.  I still haven’t even touched the center counsol or the glove compartment; those things are going to have to wait.  At least we have a clean car now … one clean car that is.

Betsy & Vivian suprised us with a visit today.  It was nice of them to stop by.  Too bad they don’t live closer.  It took a little bit for V & E to warm up but they were best friends before we knew it.  Of course when V was leaving E didn’t want to give back her fancy shoes.  It was great to see them interact even though they had a few sharing issues along the way.  

I told Betsy about my dream last night.  She was the first and only person I told up to this point.  I’ve been on the verge of breaking down for a while so I wasn’t even able to tell her all about it.  

Man it’s just so sad sometimes.  At the first b-day party I broke down into tears when someone offered their condolences.  Then at the bbq I really had to hold the tears back.  It’s tough, so extremely difficult, to hang out with the friends and continue to think about her not being here.  Then my conversation with Betsy…I was a mess.  And even my call with Brett at the end of the night.  And now I’m sitting here with tears in my eyes…but at least the kids are sleeping now.

The dream I want to dream again

I’m not sure if I still dream every day about the situation.  I think I do, but lately I can’t remember my dreams; I’m probably just too exhausted .

I do remember the dream I had last night though.  It’s the 2nd time it’s happened and I wish it would happen every single night.  I had a dream about her.  A dream where I actually touched her.  I didn’t want to wake up.  I wish I knew how to force myself to repeat that dream over and over again.  It felt so real.  I mean, I actually felt her.  It’s crazy how real it felt.


So we’re a little behind on introducing solids but we did it today and only half the soupy mix of oatmeal and formula ended up on his bib.  The other half, I think, actually went into his belly.

P7101008_2Does this mean we just might get a full night sleep???  Wouldn’t that be nice.  Of course it would probably help me if I went to bed the same time he did anyways.  Going to bed at midnight and waking up at 1 or 2 and again at 6 isn’t that much fun.  The coffee just doesn’t seem to have the same affect anymore…I think I need something stronger.

We’ve got about a month of this oatmeal mixture and then it’s on to fruits and all that other good stuff.  It was really nice to see him pick up on this eating thing quite quickly.  Of course we’ll have to see how he deals with it tomorrow.