Slow Down * Enjoy Life Rotating Header Image

October, 2009:


I went from an okay day to feeling extremely overwhelmed.  I think I need a beer … and as soon as E goes to bed that’s the plan.

It was probably a combination of factors which led to my current state; lunch with a friend that resulted in some deep conversations I probably should have avoided, a ride to the ‘site’ to place some flowers that have been sitting in the kitchen for more than a week, work (or lack thereof), concerns about the economy, that condo i should have never gotten involved with, a need for exercise, the tenant who keeps complaining about an unpainted ceiling, a possible new cold/sickness … is that it???

Nope, there’s something else.  Something that is probably the main cause for all this.  I spent a good deal of time today looking for a video.  I was asked about it a month or so ago but just brushed off the request.  But when I was asked about it again today I decided to give it some good effort.  Unfortunately that effort resulted in a whole lot of unwanted emotions.  I went through a lot of stuff I would have rather left untouched.  I even found what looks like a diary from her time in Europe right after graduation.  Did I know something like that existed? 

She was usually the one who organized.  Which is extremely evident when I have to search for something that shouldn’t be all that difficult to find.  I’m not sure why I was the one that got labeled a pack rat.  She kept a lot of stuff around too.  There’s always those little somewhat-meaningful things that you don’t want to toss.  Every time you run across it you take a look at it and decide you just can’t part with it.  But then it gets hidden in some pile for another few years until you uncover it again.  I found a whole lot of that today.  I can’t even imagine what moving one day will be like.

That conversation I had a lunch probably didn’t help matters much.  It was all good intentions but man it was way to much for me at this point in time.  I need simple short conversations that don’t add additional burden to my already complicated situation.

I think I need a break.  I think I’m doing too much.  I need my best friend back

Remembering…Puerto Vallarta

After spending some time remembering our vaca in Cancun in 2004 I decided to do another.  Here’s Puerto Vallarta NYE 2003.

NYE outside the country is simply a blast.  If it was possible we would have done it every year.  It’s nice to be home around friends but when you’re paying $100/p for some watered down beer & shot glass of champagne, why not head out of the country for a few hundred more and a week of hot weather and unlimited drinks?


Another of my favs.  I think it’s a top 50 instead of top 10.  There are way to many.  This one is definitely in the list.


 Am I always wearing a hat?


Crappy weather today so I guess we’ll just have to get our drink on.



This looks oddly familiar to a picture from Cancun.  Hmmm. Should I have been concerned?


Nah it’s just the daqari’s talking


Maybe it’s her more than me who should be scared here


But obviously she doesn’t care and maybe she actually likes me a little more now


Nevermind, she loves me regardless


Another of my favs.  Not the hottest of pictures but a fantastic memory



OMG, NYE at Cesar’s.  Did we know going in the type of bar we were making a reservation at?  Why are there so many men here and no women?  And what’s with the guy in the fishnet shirt?  And OMG are those guys making out … and those guys too?  WTF, where are we???  What happened to the other 5-10 couples who were eating dinner when it was still light out?



Happy New Year 🙂


Some late night NYE craziness




And time to go home again 🙁 But with some good color of course



When I decided to take some time today to pick a vacation and blog about it, I didn’t realize that I would be going through some 400 pictures from this particular week in Mexico. 

There were a ton of memories and somehow I had to pick & choose out of those 400 pictures the ones I want to display here.   Not an easy task.

It is just about 5 years ago to the day that we took this vaca.  Cancun is such a fun place, btw.  Just have to watch what you eat & drink because you might end up spending a good part of the day on the toilet.  Little did I realize there would be a bit of foreshadowing on this particular vaca.

We became pretty good at the self-shots over the years.  We’re a little pale here because it’s day 1 and the weather, as you can see, kind of stinks.  I’m also not too excited about the double-chin action … but nobody is perfect.


We got some sun in the morn and headed out to find something to do before we hit up the bars.  Cari would rather be at the pool tho I’m sure.



Cari took this picture.  I didn’t know ahead of time that her day with Christine was going to involve some future wedding planning.  She probably had this on her agenda all along.  They went to the moon palace, riviera maya and just happened to be witness to this wedding in progress.  Not even two years later we found ourselves at this very same spot.  Except for the fact that this gazebo was somewhere in the middle of the caribean sea due to a hurricane that sat over the yucatan for a good two days prior to our wedding. 


This horse-drawn carriage probably sealed the deal for Cari.  We didn’t have quite the same experience because of the Hurricane but she still got to ride in the carriage at least part of the way to our beachfront ceremony


And then things got a little crazy.  This is one of the only semi-appropriate pictures I could use



Snorkeling anyone?  Cari wanted nothing to do with this.  That is a lot of fish.  She freaked and didn’t even go in. 


But at least we got dressed as if we were going to go in.  We were hot, weren’t we?




She wanted me to go see THE gazebo.  We weren’t engaged at the time but she knew I was the one.  There was no question in her mind.  I was still a little apprehensive but I wasn’t going anywhere.


See … I’m just playing


We usually managed to find a little creature walking around in its shell almost every vacation we took


Then it was time to party some more. 


Our visit to Chicheniza (sp?) … we just called it Chicken Pizza (or maybe that’s what the guide called it)






Definitely one of my favorite pictures … top 10 probably



And then it’s time to go back to chilly chicago 🙁 But at least we’ll be some of the tannest in town


October 19, 2009

I didn’t need a reminder that today was 5 months.  But then the date appeared in large bold characters across on the news this morning. 

5 months.  Yuck!  I actually can’t bring myself to write much about how I feel.  I don’t even want to dig into those thoughts; I just don’t want to go there if I don’t have to.

I had some friends over yesterday.  Our friends.  Friends with kids and kids on the way.  It’s impossible to keep from thinking about her and how she should have been there.  And how empty a feeling it is to be going through this without her.

That’s about all I’m going to say about that for now … for a few minutes anyways

Due to some electrical issues over the weekend we were without the TV in the family/playroom for about 24 hours.  You don’t realize how dependent you become on that stuff until it’s taken away.  E was not pleased.  It’s not like she sits in front of the TV, she doesn’t.  But it was more the idea of no TV that upset her.  I don’t think she had a great night sleep either so I’m sure that didn’t help.

It’s finally going to get above 60 degrees.  Normally October and even early Nov is tolerable.  I think we’re in the 3rd coldest or maybe the coldest Oct in the past 100 years … the coldest since 1876 they just said.  Yuck.  At least we can go without hats for a few days and hopefully get out and enjoy the semi-warmth.

I still can’t believe this is real.  Every day I wish I would just wake up from the nightmare.  It doesn’t get any easier, I think it’s just an increased feeling of numbness.  Some days are so extremely difficult that it makes any other day feel somewhat tolerable. 

A feeling of numbness – I don’t know a better way to describe it.  It’s like being stuck in a cloud.  It’s a challenge just to take a breath sometimes.  It doesn’t matter how many people are around to help either.  As soon as they leave it’s just me by myself again.  The 2am wakeup is my responsibility.  Doctor visits, baths, feedings, shopping, cleaning, whatever … it’s my responsibility.  It’s something I signed up for … but something that I went into knowing I wouldn’t be doing it alone.

5 months?  Man …..

At least we had a chance over the weekend to get dressed up in our halloween costume for Boo @ the Zoo


Painful thoughts

They are thoughts that enter my mind every so often.

They have to do with the day she was taken.

It might be something about the actual event or things that could have/may have happened in the hours which followed.

They are thoughts I could do without.

They are thoughts I wish I could purge from my memory all together.