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January, 2010:

One Thing I Def Miss

I called a friend last night just to talk. I’ve been extremely exhausted because C hasn’t been sleeping well. I think I just needed to vent for a bit or maybe just needed to talk to another adult.

He and Cari seemed to have a similar sense of humor. One of the best things about her and I was how I could always make her laugh. Even at the most inappropriate times; part of which made some things pretty damn funny.

Earlier that day or perhaps the day before my MIL decided to hint at how I might have gained a little extra in my face since the wedding. So maybe I have. That’s what Starbucks & Coke will do to someone who requires daily amounts of caffeine just to get through the day.

So I told my friend about what she said and while I didn’t say this to my MIL I told him my response should have been, “at least I don’t have a wrinkly ass.” He laughed just like Cari would have. And while I was joking about her mom she probably would have laughed too.

I miss that. I miss her laugh. I especially miss making her laugh.

Tonight E got a magic wand for going potty.  As I put her in the car she wanted me to make a wish.  She wanted me to make a wish for Mommy.

C’s 1st Steps

A big day for little dude! It’s no easy task to take a video, keep 1 toddler at bay, and get an 11 month old to cooperate. The whole video is actually pretty entertaining because the first thing E did was grab the camera off the table. He actually took 4 steps at first and then 3. I think he was tired by the time I got the camera ready. But some of the family got to see him in action on Skype (that was after E finally moved her big head away from the camera)


Winter in Chicago sucks!

That’s probably why the 4+ months of Summer seem so amazing.  Because we’re locked indoors for the other 8 months or so.

Not as if I would have been able to enjoy the weather the past summer, but it was one of the cooler summers on record.  And now it’s only the beginning of Jan and it’s been feeling like late Feb for the past few weeks.  I’m sick of it.  “Fortunately” it might reach above freezing on Wednesday. (Do you know they are now referring to what we’re in as a mini-ice age.  Seriously?  WTF!  The news is rediculous)

C still isn’t walking but he’s a speed racer up the stairs.

I still haven’t figure out their b-day parties yet.  CRAP!

I think my I go through my days (and nights) insome some sort of tunnel vision.  I don’t allow myself to go outside the boundaries of what gets me through the day.

C has a fever.  Teething?  Maybe.  Last night he didn’t sleep well.  His naps during the day have been minimal.  He’s fussy about the bottle (milk in general).  He’s probably super thirsty … he’s up again (brb) 

So that brb didn’t happen until just now, like 12 hours later (or so). 

C woke up and woke up again and again and again (I lost count … or better yet stopped counting).  It was a rough night.  And E of course had to wake up at some point too.  Not sure what time that was.  Maybe around the 5am hour.  I do know that I was up at 6 and have been up since (normally it’s more like 7.30 with a decent night sleep) so I’m exhausted.

Traffic into the office stunk too.  Some jackass decided to get into an accident and screw things up for the rest of us.  But even with that it only took a little over an hour and that included starbucks and the dry cleaners. 

Anyways …

It is supposed to be above freezing for a few days here.  That’s cold but better than it’s been.

And I’m actually going away this weekend.  Without the kiddos.  It’ll be awkward I’m sure.  It’s with some friends from school; ice fishing (which i’ve never done) and some skiing (or probably snowboarding).  And it looks like the weather will be decent.  It’s in upper wisc so it will still be cold but anywhere in the upper 20’s will be more than acceptable.

So I intended to write more meaningful crap here but my night was screwed up.  I had to drive into the office.  And I’m freaking tired.

I think about u all the time.  My brother found out they’re expecting a girl.  I told E and it didn’t really phase her but she’s going to have so much fun with her new little cousin, I’m sure.

Speaking of winters sucking and that hour+ drive in … it offers me some undesireable time to think because there’s nothing else to do in that time (other than play b96 as loud as possible and sing to some of those songs I would prolly never do outside the car).  I WILL buy a boat.  And I thought of a new name.  I added a quote of yours to my e-mail.  I randomly found it but it seemed all too fitting …

“Everyone thinks I am a spoiled brat for all of the vacations that we take, but my theory is that you only live once and we want to see as much of the world as possible”

So as of right now I’m going to take something from that, “you only live once.”  That will be it’s name.

Remembering…Our Wedding

In lieu of what SHOULD have been our 4th anniversary Monday … here’s, Remembering Our Wedding

So it took me like 5 years to finally propose.  We were in our 20’s.  We were having fun.  She definitely put on the pressure.  She knew what she wanted.  I was a little hesitant.  It’s a big decision, right?  And for someone who might be a bit indecisive at times and a little leery of commitment … maybe I procrastinated for a while.

I always wondered if you knew whether or not the question was coming that night.  I don’t think so.  I tried to make it a suprise.  I think just planning to do it and then actually doing it was a big step.  It was dinner at Carmine’s on rush.  No one else was with us but the restaurant was pretty busy.  I couldn’t even look at the menu.  All that was on my mind was how I was going to do this.  The menu was a complete blur.  I’m not even sure if anything intelligent was coming out of my mouth.  Finally I struck up the nerve to do it.  I stepped to the side of the table, got on one knee, and asked the question.  Everyone around us was looking.

So a while before we went looking for rings.  Somehow out of all the rings we both picked out the same one.  Oddly enough a few months later we came to find that a couple good friends of ours had selected the same ring.  Isn’t that crazy???

So we did dinner but I had another small surprise.  A big group of our friends and family were waiting for us at john barleycorns.  It made for a great night.


Of course we couldn’t end the celebration there.  We had to have a separate engagement party.


So we’re getting hitched … now what do we do.  We go on vacation of course.  And bring a bunch of friends & family with us.  We set the date.  Barely 9 months out.  Dang, this is happening fast.

So we start planning.  Invites out.  Travel arrangements booked.  Things are going smoothly until … Hurricane Wilma decided to sit over our destination wedding resort for 2 straight days in Oct of 2005.  We followed the status updates of our intended resort on a daily basis.  If you google ‘moon palace hurricane wilma’ you probably find a bunch of links about it.  Basically the resort was a mess.  The majority of the Yucatan peninsula was.  She was freaking out…we were freaking out.

So what do we do.  We hold our breath and hope for the best.  Started looking into alternative locations.  Somehow we’re going to have to relocate 40+ guests … yikes!  Fortunately it turned out that the resort opened just two days before our arrival.  Phew!

Despite the fact that half the resort was still closed and that the gazebo where the wedding was supposed to be held was floating somewhere in the caribbean sea, things went by without too much of a headache (cari might have had a different opinion about some of that tho)

Half the party stayed for 7 nights, the rest came a couple days later and stayed for 5 (they should have came the whole time).  The resort was all inclusive.  A full open bar for 7 days…  That beats any wedding I’ve ever been to.   80+ degree weather.  Sitting by the pool all day.  It was pretty sweet.

And before I forget we were there for NYE so we had that to celebrate too …

Ok, and even though our gazebo was no longer there, the actual wedding was beautiful.  We did it on the beach, bare foot and all.  At 4pm when the sun was just setting. 

The reception was held on one of the patios outside the resort along the sea.  It was awesome.  Two of our friends sang and played guitar (our wedding song  – making memories of u by keith urban & a whole bunch more).  Afterwards we took the party inside and closed the bar & discoteca.  While it was the norm that we closed a bar and the discoteca on a nightly basis, this time it was MUCH MORE FUN!


NYE Party


She’s not really nervous


Awe … Dad’s a little emotional (we miss u too papa)



Definitely on my list of favorite pictures





And this last one show’s how crazy the all inclusive wedding can get … and this is only one round out of probably the 100+ we had

One of the advantages of the resort opening only days earlier was that we had the entire resort almost entirely to ourselves.  We were waited on hand & foot.  We were never without service.  There were always open chairs at the pool and tables in the restaurants.  It was pretty sweet.

The one hiccup or bump or issue we did have (besides a couple small complaints w/the wedding coordinator) had to do with one of our guests.  Our recently diagnosed bi-polar friend decided to go off his meds a month or two before the trip.  They never should have let him on the plane.  He made part of our wedding day for Cari a huge pain.  He was kicked out of the hotel, arrested, brought to the airport, arrested again, and then deported.  It’s a long story and not something for this post but it’s something everyone remembers so it deserved mention.

All-in-all it was a fantastic week for us and for all of our guests.  The memories are there forever.  We talked about going back many times in the future.  We loved vacations and it meant so much not only to share our special day with those close to us but to share something we enjoyed.

The wedding events didn’t stop there …

Cari insisted we have a reception at home too.  I wasn’t all that excited about organizing (and paying) for that but I can be convinced to do just about anything, especially for her.  It turned out to be fantastic.

We did it in Feb less than 2 months after the wedding.  It was FREEZING that day.  Seriously the coldest day of the year.  But a mid winter reception does come with benefits; like lower cost and open dates.  We did it in the burbs, at palos country club. 


Our friends and fam were there.  The food was great.  The liquor was flowing.  And best of all we had a live band for our entertainment.  The spazmatics.  One of our fav cover bands (who unfortunately broke up shortly thereafter).  But they were awesome.  And it made for an incredible night.  I don’t know if all the older guests felt that way but it was our night, we didn’t care all that much, and had some of the most fun we ever had.

… so that’s about it.  but I’m sure I’ll add more later (or at some point when I have some time) 

Our Engagement – 3/17/2005
Our Wedding – 1/4/2006


There’s simply not enough of it.

I do need a break.  I just won’t let myself take one.

E didn’t nap today.  Making tonight difficult.  Thankfully I had some help.  But she was ultra-cranky.  I had to push her to do what I needed her to do.  She’s down.

As I sit there after taking C from the bath, I think about Cari.  It’s times like these where for a few seconds I let myself go down that road.  The situation always seems so impossible.  Completely unreal.  Why?  She should be here. Right here.  Doing this stuff with me … the ‘this’ a loaded word … I can’t even get into all that.

He’s saying the words mamamamam.  She mentions her all the time.  He really doesn’t know any better.  She knows there’s something wrong.  She doesn’t understand completely but she knows and she misses and she needs.

Why do I keep “working”?  I really should reorganize my priorities.  What do I need to do for us.  When am I going to nail down the plans for their b-days?  Shit!  b-days … i’ve got to get it done.  Why is it so damn cold here.  What a drag the weather is … the weather for more than 6 months of the year.  Time to move?  Maybe if I could sell my house.

Today was another hard day but I am so overwhelmed with everything else that it’s tough to let it sink in.  A number of people contacted me in some way.  I do appreciate it.  It would have sucked if no one did.  But they did and I appreciate it.  I so wish they didn’t have to.

I’ve been meaning to get back and write more.  I really wanted to write some things about NYE.  But while it may help me a little it hurts just as much if not more.  So like many of the other things I have probably just been avoiding it.

The Christmas decorations are down, for the most part.  Boxed in new plastic boxes instead of the cardboard they use to be in.  At least that’s a little something I can take off my list.  Window lights, outside lights, and Christmas tree are still up but just about everything else is put away … and I even labeled the bins.

Since the kids have been down for an hour and I’m super exhausted I should probably go to bed.  I usually proof read these things but I don’t really feel up to it tonight…maybe tomorrow.