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March, 2010:

Remembering…Our Engagement

March 17, 2005 … St. Patty’s Day

The ring was sitting in my closet for days.  We did some shopping weeks/months prior.  I think we went to at least half a dozen stores before we ended up at Martin & Martin. 

They took out box after box, hundreds of rings … yet somehow we each landed on the same ring.

So the choice was made.  Now I just have to figure out how to pay for it, make the actual purchase, and figure out how I’m going to go about doing it all.

I wanted it to be a surprise.  I mean, it was expected, but the actual day, time, & circumstances were unknown so what should I do???

Friends & Fam were super important so I needed to make sure they were involved.  I landed on St. Patty’s day.  It gave me reason to get her out to dinner during the week w/out much suspicion.




We ate at Carmine’s on Rush.  I couldn’t even read the menu.  Totally freakin about how I was going to do this so I just did it.  I stepped up from the table, got down on my knee next to her, and asked the question … phew, she said yes!

From there we headed back home and then to meet our friends at John Barleycorn.  She didn’t know they would be there.  She was super excited.  It was the middle of the week so all this was completely unexpected.

We couldn’t just have one party, so we had an engagement party too 🙂   (April 16, 2005).  For some reason I don’t have any pictures of us 🙁  just u & our friends …



Her first bike


Thanks to her grandma & aunties we now have our 1st bike.  She picked up riding with relative ease … but where’s the helmet ??!!!!

The recent warm weather, 60 yesterday and up to 70 the next couple days, the kids finally get to be outside.  C, now referred to as C-Baby, walked yesterday until he just didn’t have the energy to walk any more.  He’s a walking maniac.  Barely a month ago he was still crawling.

I didn’t get to experience her first ride but she did it for me when I went to pick her up last night.  I put on the helmet and the buckle pinched her neck.  Crap!  She wasn’t happy but we got past it.

It’s like 4.30a and I should totally be sleeping but something woke me up and then i started thinking about a bunch of pending legal stuff and couldn’t go back to sleep.  Ugh.  And then there’s my job and this open director of it position.  I just don’t know about that thing … i always said i didn’t want my bosses job as he created such a poor environment for himself and anyone to follow.  i think i’m at the point where i’m just going to pass on the opportunity and let someone else come in and fix the mess.


Took a trip to vegas this past weekend.  I went for the cubs/sox spring training game out there.  We talked a lot about going last year.  We probably would have went this year.  It’s been a while since we had been there … 5 years maybe. 

It was hard to be away from the kids.  I’m sure I needed a break although Vegas isn’t the place to relax, per se.  I worry about them when they’re not near.  I miss seeing them.  I miss their desire to see me.  And I cannot tell you how many times I thought of you.  Not sure if it was more than usual but being there brought back a number of memories.

This time we stayed at the Mirage.  Never stayed there before.  I wasn’t even sure I had ever been at the hotel but after walking a hall and seeing california pizza kitchen I knew we had.  We had dinner there one time in the past.

At the cubs/sox game (cubs won 8-7) Corn made reference to a past experience she had with us.  I really struggled to hold back any tears.  I just nodded to her and turned away hoping the conversation moved on to something else.  It was about Al’s wedding.  But that wasn’t the only time … nearly everything we did reminded me of our times there.

It was super windy at the game but fun to be there.  We only slept some 2 hours the night before … a crazy friday night.  The guys and I talked about doing spring training again some time, but in Mesa instead … a place a little less crazy.

Vegas 2004 —




We went out for Mark & Lori’s 21st b-day. 

Braces?  Really?  I hardly remember that.

We were also out there a couple more times but I’m going to have to search for those pix.

Love u

I need you today

I need you every day but today I def need you here

I’m not sure how all of this is going to pan out, but here’s the deal.

You and I always talked about the day that something like this might happen and I really wish you were here for me (us) right now.

About 2 weeks ago someone at the organization got fired.   It was a big WOW!  Figured he would go at some point but on his own terms.  Then today came a voice mail (and an e-mail too) that my superior is also gone (I’m not sure if it was on his terms or if he was kicked to the curb as well).

Am I next???  Can I be??? (semi-serious there)

What to do … FUCK! … sorry!  SHIT DAMN FUCK is more like it … 🙂

Can I really be in position to take over IT for a major company?  Wow!  Absolutely HORRIBLE timing.  WTF!

Of course I can do it.  But am I mentally capable of handling it today?  What’s it worth to me?  I know what WE would do.  You would support me 100%.  We may or may not have moved but you would have been there for me completely.  Now it’s not so much about me.  It’s about our little ones.  I don’t really need the money (although if I make any sort of move they better give it to me).  I also definitely don’t need the stress.  I certainly don’t want to take over the role that he created. 

So what???

Well, I have some thinking to do …

But who am I kidding I’ve already thought about it plenty.  3 days in the office.   2 days at home.  50% pay raise.  Re-evaluate role of IT in the organization.  Hire N number of necessary employees to fill needed roles.  If more than 3 days in the office, sell my house, cover any losses, pay for down payment on new house.  I’ve got plenty more demands.

But about me … can I handle it???  I don’t know.  I’m kind of a mess … kind of really a mess.  Seriously … a bit of a mess 🙂

I love you baby.  I just don’t understand why we are here today.  You would be so excited at the prospect of this opportunity for us.  I want so bad to share it with you.  I miss u more than anything.

…oh, and i’ve dreamt about you a bit lately.  thank you!

A Precious Moment

Kids are sick (her worse than him). 

I barely slept last night because of a belly ache, coughing & a fever (each one a cause or result of the other). 

On top of that I dreamt about Cari

But on the way home from Grandma’s tonight I looked into my rear view mirror (which happens to be pointed right at the kids in the back seat) and I see this


He’s passed out sleeping but she’s awake.  But there they are sitting, hand in hand (well finger in hand).

The moment is extremely precious.  Yet I can’t stop from thinking how impossible it is that we’re in this situation and Cari isn’t here to experience this.  My heart just aches.

I can’t exactly remember the dream last night.  I wish I could.  It had been a while since I last had a dream about her.  I read someone else’s post earlier that day and it talked about a dream they had.  Maybe that’s why I had mine.  If that’s the case I’m going to try and read posts like that as much as I can.  While they aren’t the easiest things to experience they are in my mind much better than nothing at all.  I do know, even though I can’t remember exactly what this one was about, that it was a good dream and a dream I hope to have again.

Does that mean I need a sick kid keeping me up all night to have another one???  Well if that’s the case …

She’s sleeping now, but sleeping on her floor.  The humidifier is going full force.  I hope it keeps the cough down.  I hope she sleeps most of the night.  I skipped brushing her teeth tonight just so I could get her down without too much of a fight…oops.  When she’s tired (as I imagine it is w/most kids) she lets me know and definitely tries my patience.  Of course as I type this I think she might have woken (damn I should just keep my mouth shut)