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May, 2014:

5 YEARS

It’s really just unbelievable.

The kids are 5 & 7 now.

5 years have passed. ūüôĀ

I don’t even have to keep track of the years, I just have to ask myself how old my son is.

He was only 4 months old, strapped to her chest, when this all happened.

Just today a neighbor brought up the topic.

He didn’t know that it happens 5 years ago tomorrow (well today now)

He’s a firefighter so unfortunately he sees this kind of thing in his job.

Ironically his mom was working on that particular day for the police dept and on the seen of our accident.

I think he brought it up in part because I recently sent out invites for our Memorial Day party.

A party I’ve held ever since.

I do it for two main reasons; to get our friends together and to keep her spirit alive. (I just checked, 167 people responded to the evite so far!)

The kids know what it’s for. ¬†They don’t really understand what tomorrow’s date means, however.

I don’t plan on bringing it up with them until they ask. ¬†They don’t need to worry about it all day. ¬†Actually, I’ll probably talk to them about it tomorrow at dinner.

Anyways, he asked a bunch of questions. ¬†We’ve never talked about it in any detail before.

It’s not something I usually bring up in conversation.

It was tough to hold back tears; for both of us (there were just a few)

I told him about the phone call.  A phone call no one should ever get.

And the 60 minute drive, or however long it took, to get from lake forest to LaGrange. ¬†Someone should have driven me. ¬†I can’t imagine how fast I was going and I’m certain I wasn’t paying attention to anything on the road. ¬†I got that call. ¬†A call from the police department saying you need to come to the police station now, no wait, come to the hospital…

You don’t even want to ever experience what that was like. ¬†Horrific!

I left the house that morning and less than 4 hours later my whole world was turned upside down.  I still remember her face that morning.

The next 7 days were a blur.  Hospital for her.  Hospital for him (because he was hurt too).  Funeral arrangements.  The Wake (HORRIBLE)!

So we talked a little about that, and raising these kids, how they’re doing … it was a good conversation.

He was worried it would bother me but I’ve been living it for 5 years now so the conversation isn’t anything new. ¬†Never easy, but nothing new.

Oh, he was in our house for a few minutes while he was over and noticed all the pictures we have of her in the house.

She does occupy quite a few picture frames. ¬†I like keeping her there for the kids, especially. ¬†She’s not going anywhere again any time soon!

Well we’ve made it 5 years.

We are fortunate to have a lot of amazing people around us.  Family & Friends.

We get to talk about her often.  She left a lasting impression on nearly everyone she touched.

That’s pretty awesome!

It’s really too bad we lost such an amazing person way too early in her life.

I’m sure I’m doing a great job with these kiddos and that she’d be proud.

I just wish she was here doing this with me.

We were a pretty awesome pair!

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On a separate but related note …

Do you know the woman never apologized?

I unfortunately had to run into her for the first time just a few weeks ago.

You could slice the tension in the air.

I never wanted to meet her.  Never cared to meet her.  Hoped I would never meet her.

She did try to talk to me.  She wanted to explain how she picked up my son after the accident.

I have absolutely no interest in any specific details. She could have simply said I’m sorry.

Maybe she thought those details would help but in fact probably made things worse.

I don’t doubt this is difficult for her. ¬†But I don’t believe her, don’t believe the accounts of the accident, and unless she’s going to admit she wasn’t paying attention, that she took her eyes off the road or was doing something like swerving around to pass the van that was in front of her, hitting Cari because of her actions, I don’t want to hear anything else.

I am absolutely convinced she did something more than she’s willing to admit. ¬†There’s no way given all the evidence that she wasn’t doing something.

Just admit it, just say for real what was going on, don’t hide the truth and apologize to everyone you hurt.