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frozen

went to my third bear’s game this season today and it was FREEZING out.  the wind was the problem.  30+ mile an hour gusts with < 20 degree temps.

the tickets were free, a gift i suppose.  and i brought my sil who is a huge fan of the pats.  they destroyed the bears.  the bears weren’t even in it.  and although i’m a fan it felt really good to see them lose.  they weren’t supposed to be good this year, the coaching staff was supposed to get canned at the end of the season (which may still happen) but somehow, even after today, they sit at 9-4.  i think today was a reality check.  they’re just not that good; issues in coaching and some weak positions.  they’ve got some really good players but as shown today, they just are not a championship caliber team

i’m still missing something so huge at those games though, something personal.  i doubt it will ever be the same.  most of the time i just don’t let myself think about it and then bam it hits me out of nowhere.  i can’t even count how many times i might have thought about her but it was that one occurrence when walking to the pro shop … something, whatever it was, really hit me hard.  and that was all i needed.  a couple dozen memories rushed in and like a reality check i remembered how bad i miss her

the kids stayed w/grandma most of the weekend. i figured i would pick them up tonight and take them home but that didn’t happen.  they were overtired and not readily willing to leave.  so they’re still there and i’m home.  i’m not quite sure how different if it would be if i brought them home, they would be sleeping anyways, but it’s still the point of having them here, caring for the, waking up with them, etc.  i think i need something to change, maybe just something small.  i’m not sure what it is but i feel like there’s something that isn’t quite going the way i want it to go

saturday was my friends annual Norwegian holiday party.  it’s a nice time.  a little too ‘adult’ for me i think.  they’ve been friends of ours for a while but not the crazy out all night rockstar friends … the more low-keyed ones.  we did their parties a couple times in the past but skipped last year … wonder way?  it was still hard to go this year and maybe that’s why it was a little blah for me.  i could have easily skipped and maybe i should have.  i kept worring that someone would raise the topic at a time (which was pretty much any time) that i wasn’t prepared for it.  it didn’t really come up except when i was trying to leave.  i had to cut my friend off and tell him to save it for another time … not a time when he’s drunk, i’m sober, and he wants to bring up my issues …

anyways … just wanted to mention it.  getting tired here so i’m probably going to pass out soon.  i should clean the house up a bit first but i might hold off on that til tomorrow

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