My daughter really wants mommy to come down from heaven today to blow out her birthday candles
When we go out to dinner tonight I think she expects her to be there
I kept myself busy most of the day to, I suppose, avoid the topic. In doing so my client may have gotten me sick; either that or the food we had for lunch. My stomach feels twisted. I don’t think it’s so much the day as something else. Of course the day could complicate just about anything
Not sure what to say here … at a loss for words
Mass this morning, dinner with family and a few friends in a couple hours
Doesn’t really change anything, make anything better, eliminate the real issue … anything
Addressing the needs of these little ones, their grief milestones (if that’s what we call them), the understanding or lack of understanding due to their age … the questions of why isn’t mommy here, where is she, when is she coming home, is she going to be there tonight, i miss mommy … they should simply not have to ask those questions EVER
Dinner … didn’t really change anything. Did it make things more difficult? Maybe. Other things happened today too. As if today for some reason should have been called “crap on us day”. I don’t know, maybe not that bad but …
Overwhelmed. Is that how I’m feeling? I’ve been trying to work to pay the bills but things are tight. If I could just eliminate some things I think it would be a big weight off my shoulders. Maybe that would clear things up. It’s kind of like I’m being pulled in all directions and I just want things to be normal. I know they can’t be back to normal but I don’t think I’m asking for a lot here. Just some sort of normalcy
I am really glad we had the handful of people with us tonight at dinner. Next time we do something like that though I am going to make it adults only, at a bar, where we can talk and drink and just try to have fun. I kind of felt like I was in this fog tonight. Like I was just going through the motions. It wasn’t all that therapeutic. Kind of a blur. Like we were doing something we thought we had to do, maybe we actually had to do it, but something was missing … she was missing
I need a vacation … from life … on a beach, somewhere warm … but i’m not quite sure that’s totally accurate because I would just be thinking about the kids the entire time