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it’s 3am, what’s new?!?!

it’s 3a and i’m up for really no reason at all. 

yesterday was filled with 3 bdays.  it was a long day.   he went down pretty easy but she wanted to lay on the couch so her and i watched tangled til we both fell asleep.

the week was a rough one.  she came down with the flu or some sort of stomach bug.  it wasn’t until yesterday that she able to eat regular meals & snacks.  the rest of the week it was primarily gatorade & cereal.  i have no idea where she got it, maybe the water park, but that was a week b4 she got sick.  maybe a birthday party the day before (that wouldn’t surprise me).  but thankfully, hopefully, we seem to be at the tail end of it.

speaking of the water park.  my brother & mom had plans to go and invited us along.  going somewhere like that with the kids was far from the top of my list of places to go.  at this point, especially with him, i need an army of people just to keep him under control.  he’s absolutely great, but he’s all boy.  he’s non-stop (even today that’s how he was).  so a water park???  how’s bedtime going to work???  bedtime was probably the toughest.  we were out of our routine so bedtime was rough, but we figured it out.  however, getting back into the routine after the trip wasn’t easy either.   they had fun though.  i doubt i would do that particular park again but i would consider something else and would really like to take them to disney.  i think they would both have a blast.  i really need to get that planned

going back to today, all those bday parties. 

really only 2 were parties, the 3rd was aunties.  still we stopped by to see her, so that and the other parties made it a long day.  these things are not very much fun for me.  they’re just reminders.  there’s always a bunch of ‘how are you doing’s’.   so then i’m like, to myself, what do these people want to hear.  are these normal, how are you doing, questions?  or are they these, ‘we think we know what you’re going through kind of questions so we’re wondering about all that’, sort of questions?  so i just say fine.  my answer is almost entirely that because i did not come to this party to discuss that stuff, even though i’m pretty much forced into thinking about this issue because … everyone else there are couples, with kids, not dealing with the exact same shit, she should be there with us, she’s not, that f’ing sucks,…

the other night, a couple days ago i think, i finally had another dream about her.  it’s been way too long.  it was an odd dream but at least i had one.  i won’t complain

when i woke up tonight i brought her up to bed and went back down to peak at him.  he was sleeping peacefully although i think his diap is full, at least it kind of smelled like that.  plus he was laying on his belly with his butt up in the air.  that usually means something.  when i left i passed by a frame of pictures of us from ireland 🙁 … i suppose the day of parties is what really brought out the issue.  but then i pass by the frame and once again cannot believe we’re in this situation.

at one of the parties a friend, who was in cari’s sorority, told me they lost another sister to colon cancer.  that’s really f’ing scary for me.  now that it’s just me & the kids i think about that shit a lot.  it’s one thing to have two people here to take care of them but now it’s just me.  then another seemingly young person dies.  there’s just a lot to worry about and hearing something like that only compounds the issue.  i probably shouldn’t be so concerned with it but for some reason it’s impossible not to be.  maybe because, as we now are fully aware of, it can happen to anyone at any particular time

oh yeah, on a somewhat related topic … i was in the city for a meeting the other day and i’m at a stoplight.  someone is turning left towards my lane.  at the same time some guy is crossing the street in front of me.  this chick who is turning comes close to hitting him but stops in middle of the intersection just in time.  guess what the F she is doing while driving?  texting!  seriously?????!?!?!?!?

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