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on the eve of 3

there’s not a single day that i don’t think about her

and not a single week goes by that the kids do ask about her

it’s no doubt just about the MOST difficult topic

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“we’re celebrating mother’s day this week” one of the teachers at preschool says.  “should we do anything different for your daughter?” the questions were unanticipated.  i really couldn’t answer.  i know she will be okay.  i think she’ll be okay.  i’m probably worse just trying to answer the questions than she is dealing with a week of classroom activities

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i think about writing often but i just don’t do it.  feb 3rd is the last time i wrote.   sigh…

there’s a lot that has happened just in the past few months let along these 3 years

he’s getting so big.  last summer his speech exploded and it hasn’t stopped.  “th” is the hardest but i think we’ve finally got it.  it’s actually pretty cute getting him to use his tongue to get out that sound.

he’s just about potty trained. yay! although we do still have our accidents like wetting thru the pullup onto my comforter.  argh!  i guess that just means a new comforter for me.  bedtimes, btw, more than often result in all three of us together on my bed.  does that mean if things were different that there would be 4 of us on the bed or would someone, namely me, be sleeping on the floor or couch?

he’s an awesome little kid.  his facial expressions alone, those big brown eyes…  i just luv him so much.  cute as could be.  but he has a wild side too.  him and is sister will be fighting over something one minute and then playing great the next.  sharing is tough for little kids.

he’s definitely a boy … loves sports.  i’ve got him in swim lessons and then plan to sign him up for tball & basketball this summer.  that should be a lot of fun.  we went to a friend’s daughters tball game the other day and he wanted so bad to go onto the field with them; he’s only 3 and they’re 5 but he didn’t care.  i can toss him a ball and he can hit it with a regular bat no problem.  that seems pretty good for a 3 year old.  and he’s been doing it for months.  at christmas santa got him a set of youth golf clubs.  the biggest challenge is to keep him from swinging it around other people.  he’s not too bad at hitting the ball.  i’ll b taking him to the driving range soon

she’s growing up too.  today was her preschool graduation; off to kindergarten next year.  the graduation was really cute.  lots of songs including this one song where each kid would answer the question “there will always be …” while one of the teachers sang the question.  her answer was ‘american girl dolls’.  😉  oh well.  it was cute and it got a laugh.  the overall song was really cute though, make most people shed a couple tears, including myself.  after we got home, granted she was tired, she was sad that she would miss her friends 🙁

she also just finished a session of ballet which ended with an amazingly cute ballet recital.  hip hop dance ends soon with another show.  tomorrow preschool ends with a show by the kids too so lots of cute stuff going on.  she’s signed up for irish dance this summer and has swimming lessons too.

we’ve been working on reading and she’s doing good.  i think if we worked on it every day she’d have it down pat.  but she knows a ton of numbers and can do some adding and subtracting which is awesome.

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her and i talk often about cari.  i think i do a decent job answering her questions.  she watches a lot of video of cari.  i like that she does that.  i think it helps remind her who she was.

those questions are hard but the unexpected one from him, the first time he asked, man that was tough.  he had never said anything before.  one day he just asked.  i’ve been answering her questions for a while now so questions from him are something new and it’s only the beginning, i’m sure

it sucks so bad that she isn’t here for this.  she would be LOVING it.  no doubt.  she’d just be enjoying everything that these two little ones bring to me on a daily basis.  she’s missing out on so much and they the same.  things would be different, there’s no doubt about that.  i’m just hoping that i’m keeping things as close as possible to how they would have been

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the house is 4 sale.  again.  this time for real, it’s gotta sell this time.  i think it will be more a relief than anything once we move but i’m dreading the move.  packing & unpacking, organizing and tossing all sorts of stuff … i just want to get it over with so i can stop thinking about it.

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with all that we’ve been through, that i’ve been through, that the kids have been through … all i want for us is health, peace, & happiness for many many many years to come.

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we would not be dealing with everything like we are if we didn’t have the help around us.  our family is amazing and our friends are really great.  thank you all so very much.  there are a few people that have done so much for me and the kids.  without them this job, this full time job of raising these little ones, would have been impossible

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b sure to always remind yourself that life is too short and you should want to see as much of the world as possible … be kind to each other … do good for our world … and love the ones close to you

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