I have a hard time knowing what to believe.
That day we were getting ready to deliver flyers in lagrange during the pet parade, we drove up to the house and our wedding song was on the radio and a “white” dove was in the tree above us. I can’t explain that and will never forget it.
The random dimes I still find all over the place, usually in the most unusual of places. I can’t explain that.
The butterflies. The one that landed on me. The one that recently landed on a a relative. I can’t explain those.
And then this. On the morning of, not the day before, not the day after, and not more than one … a single flower bloomed on the plant that her mom gave to us. A plant that has been split through numerous generations. I cannot explain.
I shared the photo with all of the friends who msg’d me, called or sent us flowers yesterday. Many of them said it made them cry.
I thought yesterday would play out a little different. There’s one thing we didn’t do but hopefully we’ll take care of that this week. But otherwise our weekend was packed none stop.
For the 3rd year since, including the year it happened, the weather on May 19th has been exceptionally nice. Not just nice, but literally amazing. Nothing but sun. No rain, no clouds, just warm and sunny. Would I rather it be rainy? I don’t know. I know some people would rather it be that way and that makes a lot of sense. Should it be a day we enjoy when there’s so much about this day that is beyond sad, beyond words?
It was a busy day, however. Farm for her in the morning, I took him to the store. Playing outside all day in the yard; slip-n-slide and sprinkler included. Then we went to our friend j&b’s. I love them. Although we have many great friends they were some of our closest. We did so much with them during our post-college city-living years. Not only that but their boy is just 4 months older than E and their daughter 4 months older than C. Crazy. It was nice to spend time with them. I really wish we just lived around the block from each other. I wish we lived around the block from all our friends, but it would be nice to be by them. When they called on Thursday asking us to come over I was hesitant. I knew what going out with friends on this day might mean … lots of emotions. But it wasn’t all that bad. The kids are a real diversion. They give us barely a minute to focus on the issue. We stayed late, had a great dinner, the kids had tons of fun and both passed out on the way home.
Today wasn’t all that different. Breakfast @ dunkin donuts. Eating out, btw, a huge step for me. Until recently I’ve completely avoided it. But breakfast isn’t that bad. Especially if we don’t have to wait. In quick, food right away (and they usually eat everything) and then out in maybe 30 minutes. It’s the meals where we have to wait to get in, wait for food, that I won’t touch with the kids. Nevertheless I think those restaurant visits are a big step for me. But back to today, we took the bike to DD, then headed out for about a 5 mile ride thru LG and LGP before ending up and one of the parks we occasionally visit. Two kids totaling about 75 lbs in the back of my bike is pretty heavy, especially when headed into the wind. After that we headed to another friends for most of the day, had a lot of fun, and again they passed out on the way home and are both sleeping on the couch next to me as I type.
So yet another year has passed and as one of my friends said “I know there is this gaping hole, but they are magnificent … somehow thriving in the midst of it.” Those are my simply amazing children. And they ARE absolutely amazing. They are great kids. I couldn’t ask for anything more from the two of them. Even with the questions they ask, the absolutely enormous void in their lives, they are someone genuinely good kids. As soon as she was born and again when we was, we knew in our marriage that our love for these two was above even the love we had for each other. Not that it diminished anything between us, we just knew that there was something about these two … probably what most parents feel about their own children but now that we’re where we are today, it’s even more evident in my life. My love for them is impenetrable.