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It’s Never Easy

Often times I think about writing and then it never happens

I supposed I get busy with life but that’s really just an excuse

I should write more, read more, exercise more, pay attention to the little things a little more … the list is long!

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Today was a bad day!

There’s really no other way to say it.

Another young family member is no longer with us.

It started out pretty much like any normal day except that the kids were up and out of bed before 7a.  Normally I’m dragging them out of bed around 7:20.

The night before the snow started coming around 10p and when we woke snow covered everything.  The amount of snow this winter is probably the lowest I’ve every experienced here.  Besides a couple times when we got a few inches, today was the first time I actually took out the snow blower.

I was also “planning” on leaving today for a few days in FL.  A much needed vaca!  I put a few things in a pile while the kids were getting ready but I otherwise planned on just filling the suitcase at the last minute.

After dropping her off at school and plowing the driveway I went to find my phone.  I don’t usually have my phone on me in the house because my crappy AT&T service only works in like two spots near windows.  Such a pain.

But when I grabbed it I had 5 missed called, 5 voice mails, 10 text messages … all from an assortment of different people.

Not a good sign …

I rarely get calls, let alone between 8:15a and 9a.

This probably isn’t good.  I started listening to the voicemails.  Nobody said any of any substance other than to call them.

Another bad sign …

And the text messages were just as vague.

I feel like I’ve sort of been here before and this wasn’t a fun place to be.

It was BAD news.  The weekend vacation is cancelled.

HOW DO I TELL THESE TWO KIDS?
WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?
IS THERE A BOOK ON THIS?
WHO HAS THE ANSWER?

I removed the expletives I originally used in those statements

They’re so innocent.  They have no idea.  They’re going about their day like it was any other.

It was of course strange to my daughter that I was picking her up from school today.  But we got past the questions and made it home.

GC is here?  That’s odd … hmmm

And daddy isn’t on vacation?  …. hmmm

I made lunch and we avoided the topic with a few games of UNO (our new favorite game) and the idea that we were going to go sledding with some of our friends.

My plan so far seemed to be working … avoid the topic.  Agh…

I took them sledding (for the first time this winter and really for the first time ever).

The had SO much fun.  We even built some snowmen.  It was a blast.

But now that we’re done with that … what do I do next?

I’ve got to do this.

So I sit them down and it goes something like this …

Ok guys, I have something important to talk to you about.

You know how all living things eventually die?  (Death, btw, is not a taboo topic in our house – I shield them from as much as I can but I still try to help them make sense of all this)

Well, someone in our family died … Uncle Bobby died this morning.

I saw their hearts literally break in front of me

“But Uncle Bobby always calls me Slugger”
“What about Auntie Gia, did she die too … No”

Lots of tears … and more questions

Eventually we got out of the house and they were treated with a couple slurpees from 7-11

She drew a picture from GS.  It had a picture of her, GC and Lolo and said “I Love OWL … translated (btw, she forgot the You) I Love You All” … Close enough.  She did it without my help.

Once we got to GS’s, lots of tears but this one will be hard to forgot.  Auntie Gia picked him up and asked him to give her a huge hug, which he did. He went on to say, I know Uncle Bobby died, but he’s always with you in your heard, right here (and he tapped her right on her heart).  There were a lot of tears on my part at this point so I don’t quite remember the rest.  Oh, he asked if she was going to ride his motorcycle too

But for that little guy to say that …

Maybe some of what I’m doing is really the right thing.  We talked about that stuff.  I’ve tried to find my own way to explain this to them, in words maybe they’ll understand …

I so want to shield them from this stuff, try to protect them from having to experience it, but at the same time it’s life, this stuff happens, and unfortunately it’s happened to us more than it should.

It’s never easy

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