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Random thoughts

As I do some yard work, the minimal I’m even able to do given the circumstances, I look up at the front door expecting Cari to be standing there with one or both the kids.  Something she did many times.

When I bring Carson into bed in the morning, I expect her to be laying there with me fascinated by the little human we created.  I expect her to be there regardless.  That’s probably why the only time I’m even in the bed is to feed Carson in the morning.  It’s the only time I can tolerate it.  Probably because I’m so extremely exhausted at that time.

When I pull up to the house, I expect her to be there waiting for me.

When I give the kids a bath, I expect her to be right next to me helping out with one or the other.

It’s nonstop.  It extremely sad.  Why?

It’s hard to see our friends together with one another, with their new families.

People ask how I’m doing.  I think they expect a different answer.  For me the word horrible recently turned to miserable.  That’s the new phrase I am using anyways.  They mean the same to me.  Maybe I would be better off just saying, this all just fucking sucks!

I miss u 🙁

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