I didn’t need a reminder that today was 5 months. But then the date appeared in large bold characters across on the news this morning.
5 months. Yuck! I actually can’t bring myself to write much about how I feel. I don’t even want to dig into those thoughts; I just don’t want to go there if I don’t have to.
I had some friends over yesterday. Our friends. Friends with kids and kids on the way. It’s impossible to keep from thinking about her and how she should have been there. And how empty a feeling it is to be going through this without her.
That’s about all I’m going to say about that for now … for a few minutes anyways
Due to some electrical issues over the weekend we were without the TV in the family/playroom for about 24 hours. You don’t realize how dependent you become on that stuff until it’s taken away. E was not pleased. It’s not like she sits in front of the TV, she doesn’t. But it was more the idea of no TV that upset her. I don’t think she had a great night sleep either so I’m sure that didn’t help.
It’s finally going to get above 60 degrees. Normally October and even early Nov is tolerable. I think we’re in the 3rd coldest or maybe the coldest Oct in the past 100 years … the coldest since 1876 they just said. Yuck. At least we can go without hats for a few days and hopefully get out and enjoy the semi-warmth.
I still can’t believe this is real. Every day I wish I would just wake up from the nightmare. It doesn’t get any easier, I think it’s just an increased feeling of numbness. Some days are so extremely difficult that it makes any other day feel somewhat tolerable.
A feeling of numbness – I don’t know a better way to describe it. It’s like being stuck in a cloud. It’s a challenge just to take a breath sometimes. It doesn’t matter how many people are around to help either. As soon as they leave it’s just me by myself again. The 2am wakeup is my responsibility. Doctor visits, baths, feedings, shopping, cleaning, whatever … it’s my responsibility. It’s something I signed up for … but something that I went into knowing I wouldn’t be doing it alone.
5 months? Man …..
At least we had a chance over the weekend to get dressed up in our halloween costume for Boo @ the Zoo
