The last couple days have been particularly difficult. I don’t know why these happen to be any harder, maybe in fact they are exactly the same and I don’t really realize it.
So I’m by myself right now and Ellie woke up from her nap, I had to change her and she asked for lotion. I said, it’s been a while since we’ve put on lotion, hasn’t it? I said, remember how Mommy would put lotion on you? She said yes. I said, do you miss Mommy? She said yes. And I said I do too. Then she said something that really got me. She said something about because Mommy was crying. What does that mean, I ask her. She didn’t respond and instead went on to talk about putting on more lotion. But of course that makes me think…what in the world could that have meant. Does it relate to the accident or is it just another memory? It was so hard to keep my composure. I could barely even talk.
Too bad we don’t have the innocence of a child.