I went from an okay day to feeling extremely overwhelmed. I think I need a beer … and as soon as E goes to bed that’s the plan.
It was probably a combination of factors which led to my current state; lunch with a friend that resulted in some deep conversations I probably should have avoided, a ride to the ‘site’ to place some flowers that have been sitting in the kitchen for more than a week, work (or lack thereof), concerns about the economy, that condo i should have never gotten involved with, a need for exercise, the tenant who keeps complaining about an unpainted ceiling, a possible new cold/sickness … is that it???
Nope, there’s something else. Something that is probably the main cause for all this. I spent a good deal of time today looking for a video. I was asked about it a month or so ago but just brushed off the request. But when I was asked about it again today I decided to give it some good effort. Unfortunately that effort resulted in a whole lot of unwanted emotions. I went through a lot of stuff I would have rather left untouched. I even found what looks like a diary from her time in Europe right after graduation. Did I know something like that existed?
She was usually the one who organized. Which is extremely evident when I have to search for something that shouldn’t be all that difficult to find. I’m not sure why I was the one that got labeled a pack rat. She kept a lot of stuff around too. There’s always those little somewhat-meaningful things that you don’t want to toss. Every time you run across it you take a look at it and decide you just can’t part with it. But then it gets hidden in some pile for another few years until you uncover it again. I found a whole lot of that today. I can’t even imagine what moving one day will be like.
That conversation I had a lunch probably didn’t help matters much. It was all good intentions but man it was way to much for me at this point in time. I need simple short conversations that don’t add additional burden to my already complicated situation.
I think I need a break. I think I’m doing too much. I need my best friend back