A short while ago I wrote about how I missed the small things. But then yesterday during the ride home from picking the kids up after work, while E sang along to a song playing on the cd player, it really hit me that Cari’s missing the small things too. And then I start writing this and it’s really that she’s missing ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING … 🙁 But it’s those small things. There are so many that it’s impossible to capture them all. Like when one of the kids is able to memorize the words to a song or book and can repeat it w/out any help or those big milestones (crawling, walking, talking, smiling, 1st days of anything, whatever), events, holidays, playing in the leaves, trick-or-treating, holding hands, growing up … the list is endless.
And then I find myself here again at Corner Bakery unable to hold back some tears.
Some former clients of mine just e-mailed me saying they raised money for the kids via an event they had last week. I didn’t attend. I wanted to go but at the same time didn’t. It’s easy[ier] to avoid situations that are difficult. This was one of them. But I should have went. Actually I tried last minute to find someone to go w/me but it didn’t work out. And then there was the issue of finding a sitter and w/out someone to go with I didn’t put a whole lot of emphasis on coordinating w/a sitter.
We have this girl, a former student of Cari’s, who I have hired as a kind of daddy’s helper on Mon & Tues nights. I’m usually around but it’s helpful to have this other person there so I can get a few things accomplished (well maybe just 1, but it’s something anyways). The problem is that she’s only there for a couple hours and E doesn’t ever want her to leave. I’m up in the air on whether this is a good or bad thing. It’s probably good she has someone other than fam to interact with, but the problem is she doesn’t want her to leave when it’s time to go.