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1st bday … the day after

I found it extremely difficult to fill out the bday card for my lil guy.  In the end I just wrote something simple (he can’t read anyways).  Sitting there with an empty card in front of me was far from easy.  There were too many thoughts. I just couldn’t figure out what to write. And I didn’t want to really think about any of that shit.

8 month. 4 days.  No easier.  No less painful.  Missing her all the time. 

The days and weeks leading up to yesterday were also difficult.  I didn’t want to plan anything.  At the last minute I invited family over for cake & dinner.  Some people didn’t show up til close to 8 and since his bedtime was usually at 8:30 … I was slightly annoyed.  I guess if someone would have let me know, it wouldn’t have been as big an issue.  So I did the family thing yesterday and I have friends coming over next weekend.  Next weekend is def going to be less structured.  I’m just going to order a bunch of pizzas, throw em on the table, and let things happen.  Gatherings at a small house are a little tough.  It would have been different if the situation weren’t like this.  Maybe it would have been better to do it at an outside location.  But my motivation to do something that should have involved all of us is super low.

None of yesterday and the days leading up were any fun w/out her.  I mean I’m excited about my lil guys b-day but it’s far from the same.  Far from how it was supposed to be.  I try my hardest not to take anything away from him.  He had a smash cake.  It was 8 something so I didn’t really care that he didn’t go crazy about but he still got a little messy.  It was cute!

Got a call about the whole thing a couple days ago.  And then the topic came up yesterday before the party.  Not that it made things any easier or more difficult.  Just something that happened.

I need a vacation some place warm.  Maybe I need to live somewhere warm.  It’s such a drag to be stuck in the house.  Sure there are indoor places to go but I would much rather walk to the park down the road whenever I wanted to; any day and hour of the day.

So … today kinda sucks. 

However, the kids really do well together.  They fight.  Which isn’t a bad thing.  He takes something, she takes it back, he screams at her and tries to get it back, she screams … then they each find something else to move on to.  But she loves him a ton and I’m sure he feels the same.

He was having some milk issues a week or so ago.  It was probably just teething or getting used to milk (breaking away from formula) but we’re past it now.  He had about 14 oz of whole milk today and seemed to want even more.  He would actually pull the empty bottle back to his mouth.  He’s a nonstop eating machine.  There’s nothing he won’t put in his mouth.  She’s the complete opposite.  Milk is also currently an issue for her.  Trying to break the bottle and not having a whole lot of luck getting milk in her w/out it.  She actually seems to have let go of the bottle so it’s just a matter of getting milk into her somehow.  She’s a picky eater.  She’s been doing really well with potty training.  Can’t seem to get the #2 part down yet.  Had to mix in some miralax today because it’s been a few days.  But she stays dry for just about all naps and she’s 1 for 2 the last two nights going without a diap.  She wasn’t upset when she woke today after not making it the whole night.  I don’t know if that’s good or bad but she didn’t ask for a diap this morning so that seems like good progress.

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