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It’s not any easier

Maybe someday it will be.  But it’s one thing to deal with the grief part yet so much more to raise two babies on my own.

She’s the only person that can provide me with what i need right now.  There’s no one else around me who can.  It’s complicated.  She’s simply irreplaceable.

Today the kids are both sick.  I was supposed to attempt a dual b-day party for them at the house but I canceled it.  They’re miserable.  And that’s taking its toll on me too.  I’m not sure what I was thinking contemplating a party at the house.  If the weather was warm that would be one thing.  But I don’t have the space for more than a handful of people.

Not sure what news channel I had on this morning.  I think it might have been abc.  Well they played this thing called your three words.  I’m not sure why I watched it.  Usually I just shut that crap off.  However I watched and the last one was … ‘donated my liver, saved my life’.  It was touching.  It made me think about our situation; my wife & kids.  I still need to find words to put on this memorial plaque so I’ve already been looking for words…

‘gave my life, saved our kids’

I don’t know. I still need to figure out what to write on the plaque. Have been bouncing around a lot of ideas but maybe it will be something along those lines.  A lot was lost here.  It was just a young life, but a mother, wife, friend, sister, daughter, cousin … future aunt, grandma.  And those are just some of her titles.  There was so much more.   How do I express that in 4 lines and a limited number of characters?

Another rough night.  Limited sleep.  Sick kids.  No break.  Ugh!

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