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A Precious Moment

Kids are sick (her worse than him). 

I barely slept last night because of a belly ache, coughing & a fever (each one a cause or result of the other). 

On top of that I dreamt about Cari

But on the way home from Grandma’s tonight I looked into my rear view mirror (which happens to be pointed right at the kids in the back seat) and I see this

carson_ellie_hands

He’s passed out sleeping but she’s awake.  But there they are sitting, hand in hand (well finger in hand).

The moment is extremely precious.  Yet I can’t stop from thinking how impossible it is that we’re in this situation and Cari isn’t here to experience this.  My heart just aches.

I can’t exactly remember the dream last night.  I wish I could.  It had been a while since I last had a dream about her.  I read someone else’s post earlier that day and it talked about a dream they had.  Maybe that’s why I had mine.  If that’s the case I’m going to try and read posts like that as much as I can.  While they aren’t the easiest things to experience they are in my mind much better than nothing at all.  I do know, even though I can’t remember exactly what this one was about, that it was a good dream and a dream I hope to have again.

Does that mean I need a sick kid keeping me up all night to have another one???  Well if that’s the case …

She’s sleeping now, but sleeping on her floor.  The humidifier is going full force.  I hope it keeps the cough down.  I hope she sleeps most of the night.  I skipped brushing her teeth tonight just so I could get her down without too much of a fight…oops.  When she’s tired (as I imagine it is w/most kids) she lets me know and definitely tries my patience.  Of course as I type this I think she might have woken (damn I should just keep my mouth shut)

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