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Year ago this past weekend

I’ve written about it before but this past weekend reminded me so much of exactly what was going on that weekend last year.

There were little things like starting a new season of bowling.  Something we never would have done living in the city but in the burbs with a couple kids … it was our Friday night out.  So as we went shopping for flowers that Saturday and Sunday we joked (seriously) about buying a ball and some shoes.

That Friday at bowling … she loved me so much!  I can’t even express it in words.  We were just having fun, laughing, enjoying the short amount of ‘adult’ time we had together that night. 

We shopped for flowers that weekend and worked to plant them in the yard.  We spent probably a couple hundred at K-Mart purchasing an assortment of random flowers and packed them into the Pathfinder stacked amongst two kids, us, and a double stroller.  Then we went to work planting them.

We weren’t able to finish that weekend … and after that tuesday it was the furthest thing from my mind.

This past weekend I bought a bunch of flowers again.  The house is still for sale although I’m not being overly agressive about it.  Trying to keep the house clean for showings is far from the top of my list.  And I am not very interested in selling for a loss.  So I spend most of Sunday planting while the kids were at Grandma’s.  It wasn’t easy.  My back hurts from whatever I did to it weeks ago.  And every minute was a raw reminder of what we lost.

This Wednesday is 1 year.  I cannot F’ing believe it.  I don’t want to.  It’s impossible to wrap my head around it.  A big group of people will be at mass with us Wednesday morning and then to her families house.  It’s awesome to have such caring people but I would rather have her here instead.

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